Latest studies showed that majority of children aged 9 to 16 lie about their age in order to log in on adult online dating sites like Tinder or OkCupid. This is particularly dangerous for young girls and boys who are often looking for self-esteem and hope they will find a new friend, same as Hannah Plymouth*, a 15 year old girl who attends school in East London.
“I was talking to boys sexually as I was looking for self-esteem. I did not meet with anyone, I just needed to see that I am pretty for someone and when they talked dirty to me, I believed in myself,” she said. She often talks to boys sexually on various dating sites and she believes that it is a normal part of the life because all her friends are doing it.
The legal cases in Britain from 2000 to 2016 where teenagers talked dirty to various men online often lead to prosecutions and charges. When British paedophile hunter, Stinson Hunter revealed in his television programme that the dangers for children on adult online dating sites are very high, many site developers started to think about the platform where teenagers would be able to chat with their friends safely and possibly meet new people of the same age.
Mathieu Thibault who is a technician within the Canadian company MyLOL said the reason to create site for teenagers was based on the fact that teenagers used to lie about their age which was very dangerous and it attracted paedophiles. “We realized that there was a strong demand from teens for this kind of site,” he said. They claim that MyLOL is currently the number one teen dating site in the UK with more than 300,000 members and it is one of the most researched website amongst teenagers from around the world.
MyLOL said that their services are solely for access and use by those who are 13 of age or older and those users who are over the age of 19 are forbidden to sign up. They also said that everyone who is under the age of 18 has to “hand permission by a parent/guardian” so they can use this website, but when children try to log in, the website will not ask them for any specific permission. Mr Thibault said: “The security is being improved on in each update that is made and everything is reportable on MyLOL by a single click using the report button.”
When it comes to the content of the messages and sharing of pictures, MyLOL claims that it is banned to “display pornographic or sexually explicit material of any kind and in any form” and a member profile may not contain “nudity, violence, sexually explicit (revealing underwear) or offensive subject matter”. However, there are hundreds of profiles with boys and girls exposing underwear and messages like “I am sure I´ve got something you would love to grab a hold of to” or “let´s just say I have ten inches of fun that you might like” are on the daily bases from various users. Often no one reports it because as Hannah said, children think it is all fun because they are exploring new area of the online world.
Experts say that such platforms are better for teenagers because there are fewer dangers for them, but in reality, the content children share is very similar to other adult sites. The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) which is a charity campaigning and working in child protection said that it is illegal for person under 18 years old to send explicit images to another young person because by this way they are “producing and disturbing child abuse images and risk being prosecuted, even if the picture is taken and shared with their permission.”
Experts also say there is a huge problem with so called sexting or cybersex, which is a common activity among children and teenagers. They do not only share the pictures between themselves but they share sexually written messages. According to NSPCC they see it as flirting and they think it is a normal part of life, because everyone online is doing it. In 2014/15 there were “over 1200 ChildLine counselling sessions that mentioned sexting,” but children often do not tell their parents about it because they are afraid that their phones or laptops will be taken away. The most importantly, sexting is illegal.
So where is the line between having fun, dating, looking for friends and the pornography, sexting or online grooming? James Preece, a dating coach and relationship expert said, that “teens of that age should not be doing online dating” under any circumstances. But they still log in because “they are curious,” said Adrian Brown, senior media officer at NSPCC. He also said: “It is a normal part of growing up and exploring things online and the sexualised content is everywhere – they see it advertised, they hear it from their classmates and friends and they are curious what is on online dating sites.”
A problem related to online dating and sexting had Anon from Netmums forum with her 13 year old child. She said that her daughter was talking dirty online to lots of men of different ages and shared naked pictures of herself. She confiscated her phone but she found another one in her bag, which lead to the conclusion that the girl was addicted to sexting. Mr Brown said that it is important to talk to children about all these things before something bad happens, but also when the problem arises and even though “it is hard to start a conversation about it, it is important to talk about it.”
MyLOL is not the only dating site created for the teenagers. NSPCC and other experts believe that it is one of the worse websites in terms of the sexualised content but there is also another one which is similarly sexualised called Teenchat. It is just a general chat with no profiles, no photos, simply talking to strangers. This chat room does not have any way how to report the users. The nickname FunBored17M, claiming to be male age of 17 wrote to the user Evie, without knowing her real age but supposing she was somewhere between 13 – 17, as this chat room allows you to write your age range only: “I will guide you to some real exciting feelings. Just our secret. No one will ever know and you get to watch me play for you to. I´ll tell you what to do to turn me on and get me hard. It would be exciting if you’re ready for that kind of adventure. No faces so if you’re home alone we can have a lot of fun. Just you and me escaping and exploring.” Another nickname 37foryoung approached her saying: “Are you under 12? I like girls that young.”
There are tens of other sites similar to those mentioned – Crush Zone with users interested in sex, money and girls or Teens Town with the similar content. The user of all of the mentioned sites but especially MyLOL and Teenchat Henry Bryan*, is 16 years old boy. He said: “I believe what I do is normal. I am dating and chatting online because all my friends do this. However, I do not believe that I will be in love with someone who I met online.”
Mr Brown said that teenage online dating sites are definitely better for them but the other dangers are “that the adults are often posing as children so there is no 100% guarantee and even between young people there is sexual exploitation.”
Disclaimer: The names of children are changed for obvious reasons.
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